Backyard Broadway

I never thought I would enjoy live cabaret, but we went to a theatre restaurant on Magnetic Island over Christmas and it turned out to be the highlight of our holiday. Stage Door is a little two-man show (one woman with a great voice and one very funny gay guy) and they sang and danced and told bad jokes for at least a couple of hours. From Rudolph the gay reindeer to Abba in rehab, it was a hoot from start to finish, with a great three course meal included. If you're ever on Magnetic Island, it's the last thing you'd expect to find, but well worth a visit.

It's that time again!

Ah, Christmas ... that magical time when banks get held up by jolly men in red suits, idiots get stuck in their own chimneys and the latest rash of irreverent Christmas cartoons makes the rounds.

Thanks to the authors for this year's winners, which are ...

In Third Place ...



In Second Place ...

And the Winner ...

Have a great Christmas everyone!
May 2012 bring you everything you deserve!

Ride 'em, Toady!!

Cane toads are everywhere in Queensland and they are slowly making their way to every corner of Australia. They have now been found in Sydney and Perth (presumably they hitched a ride on a truck or train). They were introduced as a biological control for cane beetles, but soon became a pest themselves, competing with native frogs for the same food. People have various methods of 'controlling' them, including using them in games of backyard cricket, but I think that is cruel (they can't help being successful). The pic above is one we bought at the markets a few years ago. They remove the innards and laquer them so they go hard and then mount them in various poses. This guy rode the prairie for several years, until his leg broke off.

Ah, Toady! You lived hard and died young! (or is that lived young and died hard?).

Bless this house

This is one of my favourite pics. I went through a church-snapping phase when I lived in Tasmania and this is my favourite of all of them. The old stonework caught the late afternoon sunlight and it just looks so weathered and rustic. Just before we moved away from Tassie, it was on the market. Wish I had the money to buy it. Turning old churches into homes seems to be all the rage these days. They have to be de-sanctified of course and, because they are historic buildings, you can only do certain things to them. I think the main concern would be trying to warm it in winter though (maybe burn the pews?).

Still life

Took this pic years ago and played with it on Photoshop. It has a sad, lonely quality to it, perhaps something to do with the huge, neatly made, empty bed and the sad expression on the woman's face. I'm no artist, but I know what I like, and this picture says something to me about life (when I figure out what that is, I'll let you know).

Beyond the black stump

We took an off-ramp while driving through Arizona and came across the weirdest place. It's called Jackass Acres and consists of a petrol bowser, a collection of rusty old cars and a dusty little store with some even dustier antiques and a grizzled old guy in a rocker, chawing on some baccie. "What kind of ice cream do you have?", we asked innocently. "Melted!", he replied in a deadpan voice. Made our whole trip that did. Also found a little town called Gila Bend which had a diner shaped like a UFO straight out of the 50's. The sign says 'Welcome To Gila Bend, Home Of 1700 Friendly People And 5 Old Crabs'. The desert's not the only thing that's dry out that way, I guess. Getting lost is definitely the best way to see the real America.

It's not easy being green

Another example of Queensland wildlife that bites back ... green ants, also known as weaver ants, because they weave leaves together to make their nests. The Aboriginals call them 'sugar ants' because their rear ends contain a sweet syrupy substance. The Aboriginals bite their rear ends off literally and eat them. I suppose it's a natural source of energy and according to bush tucker experts, it's a great panacea for colds and sore throats too. Some people have even been known to make green ant lemonade (hmmm).You wouldn't want to bite the wrong end of one these guys though, as green ants can deliver a nasty bite, spraying formic acid into the wound. I guess I would too if someone was treating me like an M&M.

Down by the river

Took this pic a few years ago, when we lived in Albury. It is the Murray River, a big ole meandering brown river with Albury on one side in New South Wales and Wodonga on the other side in Victoria. There used to be a time difference between the two due to daylight saving and the buses would run at different times. The Murray is a beautiful river with restored paddle steamers and ducks and willow trees, much like I imagine the Mississippi would be, This pic was taken on a lazy Sunday afternoon and has a real Huck Finn feel to it. Young guys hanging out, with nothing better to do. Nice.

Thunder down under

This is the time of year in tropical Queensland when the poinciana or flame trees begin to flower. They go from green to brilliant red overnight and they are supposed to signal the start of the wet season. No rain on the radar for a week or so yet, so maybe they're out of whack, just like everything else weather-related around here at the moment. I do have a few twinges in my gammy leg though, so maybe the monsoon's not too far away. They are predicting more severe flooding than usual this year and at least six cyclones (along with the usual 33 degree heat and 90% humidity), so we are bracing ourselves for another summer from hell.

Give me some sugar

We were sitting on our verandah last night, when we saw a little brown mouse-like creature crawling along the top of the sun shades. I immediately thought 'Time to put some more Ratsak in the ceiling'. But my wife thought it didn't look like a mouse, but more like a little bat or something. Our landlord has planted a particular type of tree in the garden with the intention of attracting sugar gliders (pictured above), which are a kind of mini possum that can apparently glide between trees. This guy has a pretty distinctive face, which I don't recall seeing on our visitor, so I am in two minds. We either have a very special guest or an infestation. I hope it's the former, because he's soooooooooooooooooooo cute.

Guess who's coming to dinner?

You know how they ask you if you could have any five people in the world to dinner, who would they be?
Well, here are my five ...

John Cleese, the greatest comic genius of all time (they only made a handful of episodes of Fawlty Towers, but I could watch them over and over forever and get something new out of them each time).

Bear Grylls for his bear-faced attitude to life (he once broke his back in several places after a bad parachute landing, and is still para-sailing down the sheer face of life at an alarming rate).

Richard Branson's mother used to abandon him in the countryside and force him to find his own way home (obviously worked, because he is now one of the richest men in the world and about to launch commercial space travel).

David Attenborough has done for wildlife cinematography what Albert Einstein did for relativity (theoretically speaking). He kindled and continues to fan my lifelong obsession with nature photography.

Tori Amos is invited because I know it will annoy my wife (I used to have a big crush on Tori in her Cornflake Girl days ... before she started disposing of bodies from the trunk of her car).

Send in the clowns

Came across this old work pic the other day and it made me feel a bit nostalgic. For all its faults; its pushy sales people, difficult clients, inflated egos, insanely high pressures and disgracefully low wages, radio still has a soft spot in my heart. Looking back on 17 years as a copywriter, it was like being in the circus. I got to travel a lot, I met all kinds of weird and wonderful people, and compared with a 'normal' job, I can honestly say there were very few dull moments. With the growth of the internet, radio is now dying by degrees, so I am proud to have been a part of this unique industry in its hey day.

RIP RADIO

My chequered past

Once upon a time, I was into chess ... not playing it, but the idea of having a larger than life chess set. The local park had one with fibreglass pieces about two feet high and a tiled board you could walk around on. I opted for something more modest, but still larger than life. The board was made from some black and white wall tiles I picked up when working for a tile importer. The pawns were spice jars, emptied of their contents and painted black or white. The knights were Johnnie Walker mini bottles (for some reason I had a few empties lying around), the bishops were the same bottles with painted fishing floats glued on their tops to represent their hats (miters?), the queens were fancy olive oil bottles and the kings were large economy size coffee jars with their lids inverted to make crowns. It all looked pretty impressive from a distance. I don't think I ever played a game on it, but it made an interesting conversation piece in the lounge room (mainly "Wow! Look at all the spice jars, coffee jars and Johnnie Walker bottles! What did you paint them black and white for?"). Sigh.

Old red eyes

When I worked at the local radio station, I never got many freebies, mainly because they were to things we didn't want to go to like the rodeo or the basketball. But one time I really lucked out. Kris Kristoffersen was coming to town and the station had an exclusive double pass to see him plus a backstage pass to meet him. My wife is a huge fan, so naturally I grabbed it when it was offered. Kris was a lot older than we remembered, but he still had his magic and sang all the old songs we both like. Then my wife got to meet him, so it was a great night. I took this shot of him just before the bouncer told me to put my camera away because the flash was annoying Kris. Now I know what that mean ole stare is all about. Oops.

Notes from a NASAphile

Our trip to Kennedy Space Centre in Florida was a real eye opener for me. Space travel is pretty mind boggling and so are the statistics that surround it. For instance, did you know that the shuttle silo pictured above is so big that the flag on its side is the size of a football field?

Or that this crawler used to transport the shuttle to the launch pad travels so slowly it is routinely overtaken by snails?

Or that Kennedy Space Centre has its own built-in security system (a network of alligator infested swamps)?

There is something larger than life about the whole place and once you've been there, you will never again entertain the idea that the moon landing was filmed in a studio somewhere. American space travel is the real deal.

Ode To Timmy (the world's fattest possum)

Timmy, oh Timmy,
Oh, what have we done?
We fed you and fed you,
Till you weighed half a ton!

Oranges, grapes,
and yes, biccies too,
We plied you with sweet treats,
because we loved you.

And rounder and rounder,
you sat in your chair,
With crumbs all around you,
And juice in your hair.

You said you were hungry,
We gave you our all,
And slowly you took on
The shape of a ball.

We killed you with kindness,
We know that it's true,
But we think you died happy,
As you took your last chew.

Timmy, oh Timmy,
Oh, what could we say,
As you rolled to the floor,
And waddled away?

Life is for living,
And always live big,
So here's to you, Timmy,
You were our little pig!

And the runners up are ...

Here's the rest of the pics from Strand Ephemera.
I'll let you make up your own mind.


Fountain with curtain of coloured beads.

Hanna Barbera meets Freddy Krueger.

Licorice allsorts (sand flavoured).

Elton John's love child?

Townsville's new defence system.

Family portrait

Snapped this at Townsville's Cultural Festival a few years ago. Even though you can't see their faces (I am assuming they are mother and son, but they could be a couple), there is something just plain nice about this little group. They seem completely in harmony with one another. Everything from the relaxed attitude of the birds to the woman's 'galah' coloured scarf says what a neat little family group they are. And yes, the birds are tethered, but they don't seem to mind. This is one of my favourite pics, because it gives me the warm and fuzzies every time I come across it.

The Great Art Heist

Someone stole one of the exhibits from
Strand Ephemera early on Sunday morning.

After a public outcry, it was left anonymously
at the back door of the art gallery.

The artist immediately set about restoring
it to its former glory.

And I was there to film the closing chapter.

Imagine trying to sell that at Cash Converters.

"What is it?",
"Ummm, it's called 'Man On Beach',
"But it's not on the beach?",
"Oh, yeah. Umm, it's just called 'Man' then".

Didgeridon't

Snapped this cute little guy in Kuranda near Cairns.


Then I found this pic from a visit to Perth, which reminded me that not everyone likes having their photo taken. Check out the expression on his face. After I took this, I walked off down the mall, only to hear shouting behind me. He was yelling for me to come back, but needless to say I didn't. Obviously someone didn't have a busker's licence and was feeling a little precious about it. Ah, the perils of being a front line photographer!

To the Victa goes the spoils

This was my favourite piece at Strand Ephemera 2011 out of a fairly lacklustre field of entries. It shows a bit of warped humour at least. My interpretation is that the mummy mower (she's the one with the catcher) is being 'serviced' by the daddy mower (I can't see his filler nozzle, but I'm sure it's there somewhere), while the baby mowers all look on. No shame in nature (or in mower land), I guess.

A powerful wind

Took this pic of a wind farm when we were on the Tablelands behind Cairns. The turbines are huge and make an eerie whistling sound, but the cows didn't seem to mind, so neither did we. There is talk of wind farms being harmful to human health (people falling sick who live near them), but I don't know how much of that is true and how much is sour grapes because they don't want them in their neighbourhood. Wind power seems like a fantastic alternative to what we've got now anyway. I'm sure the residents of Fukushima where the recent meltdown occurred would rather have had a few big fans whirring away on their hilltops than the lethal cocktail they were served with. More power to the wind I say.

It came from outer space

My wife killed a spider on our porch the other day and she was a little put out that I wasn't impressed by its size when I scooped it up to put it in the bin (it was shrivelled up in a little ball by then). Luckily our security camera had been running earlier that morning and had managed to get a shot of it while it was still alive. No wonder she used a whole can of Raid on it! Seriously though, tarantulas are not only scary, they're freaky as well. Did you know that a tarantula can regenerate a lost leg? Or that they have retractable claws on each leg, just like a cat? Or that female tarantulas can live as long as 30 years in the wild? Wow! I'll try and remember how amazing they are next time there's one crawling up my pants leg.

Land of the giants

Was browsing through old pics and noticed a recurring theme. Every place we've visited seems to have a giant something or other to call its own. There's the giant mango in Bowen, the giant crab on the road to Cairns, the giant brolga at the entrance to Townsville, the giant banana in Mackay, the giant Ned Kelly in Glen Rowan and the giant galah in the middle of the Nullabor. What's with that, I wonder? Would make an interesting holiday (worthy of the Griswalds) to travel around Australia photographing every giant this or that you could find. I wonder if Darwin has a giant sea wasp? Or if Canberra has a giant politician? There you go! A giant Tony Abbott in his giant budgie smugglers! (ewwww)

Voyage of the Money Spenders

You've got to love Hollywood! This isn't a condemned sewerage plant, it's actually a section of castle battlements made at great expense for the Narnia blockbuster 'Voyage of the Dawn Treader'. It was plonked down on the Gold Coast while we were living there (right near the Dog Beach) because the producers liked the quality of light for filming. After sitting there for some months (we never actually saw them film anything), it suddenly disappeared and we heard it had been shipped off (again at great expense) to somewhere in California for another epic blockbuster. Makes you wonder if it was the light or the lifestyle they really came for? I know if I had millions of dollars to throw around, I'd be looking for the best light too. In Hawaii perhaps, or somewhere on the Mediterranean (plenty of good light there).